A collection of thoughts that go through my head because Alanis Morissette put them there.

If I don’t write things down, I will die. I don’t know how this is possible, but I have always believed it. One day, I actually heard Alanis mention this in an interview. She used better words. The feeling was mutual, though. Always. This blog used to be called “quietude ideal”, so you’ll see that watermark around… but, at some point, it felt right to give Alanis credit for guiding me through, well, everything. This is not exactly a fan site, although I am a fan. This is just me, getting things out of my system. Like Alanis taught me to do.

In case she ever stops by, I’ll leave a note: Thank you for always being one step ahead of my on everything. You made me feel like I could do this and survive.


a Monday

It’s fine. After years of being petrified by fear, for a moment, I decided to live. Sit on the floor and play legos with my girls. There are so many memories that I never made because I couldn’t move out of being scared. The tornado I was preparing for, never came though. But I feared …

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Letter to myself

I found a letter I wrote to myself 5 years ago. Apparently, I’ve been this dramatic for a very long time. Dear future me, Beyond all the crying, the screaming and them not doing what you tell them to, there’s a moment you visit from time to time as a parent. It doesn’t matter how …

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I’m not Lula Mae anymore

I think I’ve changed. Hopefully for the better, although, not entirely. I used to think that the universe would punish me if I ever got mad at anyone. I actually googled “what would Jesus do?” at one point trying to suppress negative feelings. That’s the part where I think I’ve changed for the worse. I …

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Living in the now

This picture is perfect. Real photographers could criticize it enough, I am sure. But it is perfect, look: This is a picture of my dad’s ultimate dream life. That’s him sitting on that chair. In the water, you can see my mom and her grandkids. This is all my dad wants from life, he told …

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Me, Alanis and the books

It’s funny because I never met my grandfather. None of them, actually. Yet, I have inherited something very particular from each one of them. My maternal grandfather loved books and alpino chocolate, just like I do. He was also a painter like me. He left me a collection of old books and paintings. Some of …

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As we waited for a vaccine, a cure or a sudden end of COVID19, my mom and I decided to watch a few feel-good movies from our past this weekend. My kids were mostly sitting on the floor, playing with their legos through basically the 5 movies. And I thought, pandemic or no pandemic, life …

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At some point I realized I just wanted to go home. Not to the perfect city, perfect country in a house with the perfect library. Not even the actual house I grew up in, just a place that felt safe and felt mine. We moved 6 times in the past 5 years. 5 different cities, …

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Smells like childhood

I don’t quite understand how my brain works. The way a smell triggers a memory or the way there’s a certain song that will always make me cry as if something terrible had happened. There’s one thing though that I know it’s very planted in my brain and even though I don’t get the mechanism, …

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Audiobook: Words+Music by Alanis Morissette

I am listening to Alanis’ Words+Music. It is perfect. I feel emotional, happy, sad and mostly not alone. I’m thinking about how long it’s been since the day I locked myself in my room next to my CD player and determined I would memorize all the songs in her MTV acoustic special CD. It’s been …

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Pictures I take in the rare moments when I am not obsessing over the things I know shouldn’t be obsessing about but can’t control myself.

A.k.A. instagram @alanistaughtme